Thank to everyone who has followed this blog either from the beginning or just on and off.
I will no longer continue to post over weird sports in the world as this blog was created primarily for a journalism course at University. I hope you’ve enjoyed my inane colloquial style of writing poking fun at different people and their traditions around the world. It has been a pleasure making you laugh.
Look at the beautiful man.
The great actor Jim Carrey is believed to have produced over 151 different recorded faces and I swear nobody could make a funnier face than he.
Only a mother would love that face…I hope.
Yeah, that’s just wrong. Speaking of wrong, gurning is a competition in which the person who makes the wackiest, creepiest most distorted face out of everyone wins…or loses…I haven’t figured that one out yet.
A “gurn” is essentially a messed up facial expression. So of course, the rural English community decides to hold an annual turning contest at the Egremont Crab Fair that has been going on since 1267. Combining monarchies and distorted faces since the 13th century. That should be Britain’s slogan.
Why are old men’s faces so pliable? If you don’t laugh at those guys, you legitimately have no sense of humor.
This guy may not be old in any sense, but Tommy Mattinson has won the best male gurner 15 times in his career. He won’t the event 10 times too between the years of 1999 and 2010. And boy does the Queen fancy that chap.
The Queen: ” I’m glad all I have to do is dress up and pretend to run this country, because this is &^$%^#.”
The only thing I am worried about when it comes to gurning is, well the competitors faces. My mom always used to tell me that if I made a funny face and held it long enough, eventually my face would look like that for the rest of my life. Oh man, my mom lied to me…what the heck Mom!?
But, seriously…I feel like Mattison and these old dudes are just banking on their faces taking them to “the top” so they couldn’t care less if their faces eventually turn to stone and stay that way.
Once again, thank you Britain for deciding everything weird and funny derives from your petty country…state…principality…? No one know what you even are Britain.
Hello again fellow lovers of all things funny.
We are going to look at a sport drawn up by the Australians called tuna tossing. Why did someone think this would be a good idea?
Nintendo even made a flippin tuna tossing competition!!!
WEll, historians believe that the genesis of the event started in the late 1950’s on a cool summer’s night. A man named Liam had just gotten out of a heated argument with his wife Betty and decided to take his boat out on the ocean for a bit to fish and blow off some steam. Liam, a skilled fisherman, hadn’t waited but 10 minutes when a tuna fish snagged his line and about half an hour later Liam headed back to shore. As he was taking the tuna inside, still alive, the fish began to squirm incessantly and out of pure rage Liam tossed the sucker back in tot the ocean whence it came. The following three nights, Liam went out to sea can totaled around 10 tuna fish, brought them back to shore and tossed them into the water.
After a week or two of doing this, Liam grew bored and told his friends about this wonderful idea for an event. Thus, the Tunarama event in Port Lincoln, Australia was born and the tuna tossing championships were the main attraction.
Mind you all of this is completely accurate and in no way just thrown together to sound cool.
This is what the event looks like today and the Tunarama event has actually been going on since 1962. Each year they crown a Miss Tunarama and 20 years later everyone looks back on the event saying, “why the heck did I want that crown so badly?”
The even more peculiar thing is that thousands of people come to this Tunaram event in Port Lincoln and it actually looks like the younger crowd is having a good time! That’s not right. It’s tuna! WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT TUNA!?
HOLY &*^% THAT’S A BIG TUNA!
Okay nevermind…tuna fish are officially cool and so are those fellers in that photo circa black and white photo time period.
To just tell you a bit about tuna tossing as it is now, the world record toss of 20 pounds is believed to be 37.23 meters. How is that even possible. Oh, some olympic hammer thrower named Sean Carlin tossed it in 1998. That sounds right.
Well I could talk all day about tuna, not, but I’d rather not stink up the place.
It’s literally what it sounds like people.
Here, let me take you to a critically acclaimed news outlet known as the guardian. This upcoming video is on their sports homepage, or at least at one point it was.
For the love of God, try not to laugh…
So, let’s just take a moment to synthesize what we just saw. This sport was created by Kenichi Ito who is noted as “the fastest man on four legs” and it’s his dream/goal to run on all four legs up against the fastest runner on two legs to prove to the world humans running on all-fours will be the thing of the future.
Maybe he could cut a few milliseconds if he shaved his dome…?
Kenichi, who lives in a suburb of Tokyo, Japan, has studied the wiry Patas monkey of Africa and used their running-style to mold his own.
If you haven’t figured out that Kenichi is most likely a monkey himself you’re missing the point. He legitimately lives out most of his days on all-fours. That’s not even to most messed up thing about this guy.
There is a video posted on Reuters, that I will not make you watch because of it’s length, but in the interview, Kenichi states “I’ve been doing four-legged running for ten years now and that’s precisely the same period I haven’t had a girlfriend.”
It kind of breaks your heart that this one-of-a-kind determined athlete who is pioneering his way into the record-books can’t get a girlfriend.
“My dream would be to find a girlfriend who would go for dates with me on four limbs, but there’s really no-one like that around.”
Oh boy, yep, we’ve officially hit rock-bottom Kenichi. I’m sorry dude, but you’re messed up.
There is one really cool thing about you, though, Kenichi. I admire your persistence to create this movement and set up races around your home country of Japan. That’s legit. But please don’t waste your life on trying to beat Usain Bolt in a 100 meter dash.
Actually, on second thought, you should go for it. You seemed pretty stoked when you broke your own record and ran the 100-meters in 16.87 seconds. Respect! Who am I to judge if the lifestyle you choose to live is on all-fours.
Just don’t be surprised if the dog-catcher accidentally swipes you up one day.
The coolest thing we’ve learned from this sport of Four-legged sprinting today…the male Patas monkey has a mustache. WIN!
All he needs now is a cowboy hat and he’s my uncle Ralph.
Another beautiful day in the UK
Hello again fair readers.
I’ like to begin this post by pointing out the bog snorkelling is indeed created by the British, so yes it has a lot do deal gross things. Bog Snorkeling is essentially swimming through a trench full of muddy water wearing a snorkel and flippers. Awesome.
Okay, that’s all you need to know.
But really, I could stop right there and you’d most likely be okay with knowing what it is, but as you know, there is more than meets the eye with this sport………..okay it’s not really a sport and many of these posts haven’t been about “sports”, but that’s an entirely different debate (apparently CBS Sports has a definitive answer…?).
You should watch at least 3 minutes of these world championships.
“4,000 poownds werth a lyepOsukshun end E looks ligh tha!” A spot-on phonetic translation of that Scottish man at :40.
There are two different ways to compete in bog snorkelling, the first being swimming two 55 meter laps (to and fro). The other, and my favorite style, mountain bike bog snorkelling. These Brits have created specialty bikes for these events in which, you guessed it, ride a bike through the muddiness of a trench with a snorkel back and forth.
That’s a beautiful man right there.
It actually sounds kind of fun.
I mean you can dress up in whatever you want and swim or bike through a trench with a snorkel on.
We, by we I’m regarding Americans, like to think British people are refined and well-mannered people with a high-class snooty nature about them. At least that’s one stereotype. The other stereotype we so loving conjured up about the Brits is wonderfully portrayed through the sport of Bog Snorkelling.
Thank you Britain for once again proving stereotypes. At least one of them. The other I have yet to prove………
Yep. I’m officially afraid of British people.
Huh, the Boston Tea Party makes so much more sense now.
Cheerio mate.
Close your eyes……on second thought, don’t do that)
Relax.
Focus.
Concentrate…CONCENTRATE!!!…….
Well dang, you just lost Mindball. While you were busy not focusing, your opponent sitting from across the table just sat there and beat you. You’re worthless.
Mindball’s little tagline slogan even gives you the flippin directions: “Relax and win!”
But, I can teach you to become the greatest Mindball player in the world. It’s actually fairly complicated. There are several traits you need to aquire in order to be crowned Mindball Champion.
First, let’s enjoy this wonderful video of Regis an Kelly (the show now called Live with Kelly and Michael – which ex-New York football Giant Michael Strahan now hosts with Kelly Ripa…sorry you have to stare at that gaping hole between his teeth Kelly) playing the game back in the 90s – when the show was relevant.
So the rules, as Regis so beautifully described, make perfect sense. Be the most focused and relaxed person on the table, and don’t let that ball move to your side. If the ball rolls to your side and in your circle, you have been crowned the least relxaed and craziest person at the table. Congrats on your achievement.
Alright, PHASE ONE to becoming a Mindball Champion. –
It’s quite simple actually if you think about it, or don’t think about it…this game is too much to handle.
Apparently this girl smiles while concentrating
1) Psych your opponent out before going into the match by carefully slipping into the conversation the phrase “The zoo elephant is dressed up in a Christmas sweater right now.” BOOM!
You just distracted your opponent without them realizing it.
2) When hooking up the brainwave readers to your temples, allow someone else to place them on for you after a full 30 seconds of relaxation.
3) Since we know all you will be thinking about during the game is, well…, nothing hopefully, do not close your eyes at all, but rather stare at a plain colored wall or something plain colored to focus on. If you close your eyes, your imagination will start running wild and you never know when that elephant in the Christmas sweater will pop-in for a visit.
I mean…that’s adorable
4) Your will most likely try to concentrate on nothing as well, naturally. This means freak the living crap out off him. I’m not talking about you screaming at the top of your lungs to distract him, because that will most likely get you distracted as well. Simply throw things at them underneath the table around them to freak ’em out a little.
5) (Or 4 extended) Hit them with a knockout. Make print or a small toy version of an elephant wearing a Christmas sweater. Carry that sucker with you into the ring and when the moments right, when things are heated of course, throw that sucker underneath his side of the table right next to his chair (THIS CAN ONLY WORK IF THEIR EYES ARE OPEN OF COURSE). This results in complete distraction and you can focus on relaxing the entire time.
Victory, sweet victory.
Welcome friends to another installment of “Which wackadoo sport can we poke fun at this week.”
For those who have never heard of the sports before…all of you…this week’s sport, Bo-Taoshi, comes from the wonderful island country of Japan. I love what it means in Japanese…”pole bring down.” Way to go guys. Keep it simple.
The Japanese play this game most often on “sport days” at their schools, but is also used as a traditional game where the National Defense Academy of Japan plays this game on it’s anniversary every year.
Here is a quick image to get you pumped about Bo-Taoshi…
“PULL! No not me…the guy in the white!” Of course I’m assuming these Japanese men speak English…
Most of the time, contrary to the picture above, these guys don’t even wear that much protective head gear. And the head gear they do wear is obviously not crazy protective. They might be getting a call from Roger Goodell here pretty soon…
The sport consists of two 150-men teams in which each team sends 75 men to the opposing teams side where the other 75 men guard a 11-ft (ish) pole that, from my mathematic abilities has a 4-inch radius and 2-foot ulna at the top. *Badum-ching*
Purpose of the game: BRING DOWN THE OPPONENTS POLE!
You can’t get that guy…oh wait, did you just run and jump off your own guy’s back? Yes. Yes you did.
Rules: Rule 1 – You do NOT talk about Bo-Taoshi ………….. oh wait. That’s not right.
Rule 1 – Not touching of the hair or face…obviuously.
Honestly, the rules are the fact that you can’t kill the other people. I mean that’s pretty much it. Take a gander.
If you’re not into that, you’re probably one of those gentlemen’s grandmas or something. In which case how dare your grandson Naoki put himself in harms way, Grandma Atsuko! Look what you’ve done for him over the years. And now he’s placing himself at the top of a very unsteady 11(ish)-foot pole with men running full speed at him trying to knock him down.
This has me thinking, grandmothers like Atsuko all over the world are suffering heart-attacks (figurative, of course because all grandmothers say, “you about gave me a heart-attack) and people like Naoki are the cause!
Take head my friends. Bo-Taoshi is the cause of figurative grandma heart-attacks in this world today and they need to be stopped. Well, the heart-attacks.
That about sums up Bo-Taoshi in my opinion…Sayonara
Who likes a good game of tag?
Who likes seven dudes wrestling one guy to the ground?
How about wearing short shorts? (me!)
Let’s imagine that all of those things combined into one crazy sport originating in Asia and the Middle East and you have Kabaddi!
(Skip to 2:05 and watch at least two minutes or so of what they’re doing.)
Pretty weird, yeah? My first thoughts encountering this sport were, “What’s the point?” Then I realized that’s a pretty dumb question considering my favorite sport involves grown men swinging at a ball with a thin bat coming towards you at 90 mph whilst attempting to reach a base safely 90 feet away from where you were standing before someone catches the ball on the fly, tags you, or throws you out by having someone stand on the base and holding the ball in their possession. Yeah…baseball is weird you guys. Moving on.
I want to be that “suit man’s” best friend. It seems like I could do anything along his side.
Kabaddi seems so much simpler to me now and makes so much more sense than baseball. I mean all you have to worry about is your seven guys, their seven guys, not getting tagged, holding your breath, repeatedly saying “Kabaddi” over and over, tackling your opponent, the boundaries…OH WAIT. It’s just a crazy! Which is why I love it.
The reason I chose to post about Kabaddi right now is because guess what is coming up soon? The World Kabaddi Cup from Novermber 9-23! I’m going, if I could. “Dear readers and subscribers, please send money to send me to this World Cup so I can live tweet everything for all of you. Sincerely, desperate David.”
Now, to show how much this sport means to some people, and how much good a sport can do for your city or town, the city of New Delhi is holding a Kabaddi tournament in town to sway voters into viewing the government in positive light. How cool, and somewhat strange, is that?
One of the best parts about Kabaddi…
FINISH HER!
Women play too! They go just as hard as the men do too.
The other part of Kabaddi that I find appealing is the fact that it can be played on multiple surfaces and, unlike last week’s post about Bossaball, is pretty much the least expensive sport I’ve ever heard of in my life. Just wear similar colored shorts, make boundaries with anything you can find…AND THAT’S IT!
Now that I think of it, I’m going to grab 13 of my closest friends (ha, let’s be real) and start a game right now.
Kabddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…kabaddi…
Guys,
This quite possibly is my new favorite sport in the world. I’m not kidding when I say that either.
If this just doesn’t look like the most fun you can have…
To lend background, Bossaball is a fairly new sport to planet Earth and was thought up around 2004 in España. Thank you man named Filip Eyckmans. You rule.
I like to think that when Filip was dreaming up this sport, he was legitimately dreaming and said, as he rose from his slumber, “Tengo que escribir esto!” Which obviously means ‘I need to write this down’. I’m sure all of my readers and subscribers can comprehend Spanish of course.
He then wrote all of this information down and went to the local Spanish equivalent of ‘SkyZone’ (you know, that place with the trampolines as floors, trampoline dodgeball/basketball/free for all where your parents were skeptical about you going to when you were 13 because they thought you would injure yourself…and you did…yeah…that one) and told his friend Anbessa (coolest Spanish name I can think of – it means lion – I mean, c’mon…LION) to come up with a design for a portable volleyball court with a trampoline in the middle of each courtside. The rest is history I would assume.
Some super awesome people who specialize in the ways of Bossaball decided to spread the news about the new sport and brought their videographer friends along with their cool SLR’s and GoPro’s and filmed this sweet video that for some reason I cannot tell is a promotional video…or a music video…or both?
This sport is perfect. You can go to a beach and drink some brewskis with your bros or lady friends, read a good book for a while, and then when you gain consciousness, you can go jump around on a gigantic inflatable volleyball court with a decent sized trampoline the middle and smash a ball that’s volleyball-esque into your opponents face…and then do a backflip as a celebration and not get flagged for it.
I also, kind of want to create a sport branching out from this called “Bossa Nova ball” with the same exact concepts and rules as Bossaball, but whenever you aren’t playing the ball, you have to dance the bossa nova…just a thought. Then that video would make way more sense…?
You’re officially welcome for having me to expose this beautiful sport to you. Now go travel to Spain or somewhere one of the, most likely, 5 places in the U.S. where one of these inflatable bossaball courts exist and ball hard.
This guy…
Yep.
It’s a thing. And they play it at the Paralympic games.
I’d like to start this post by saying that I am an avid soccer fan who played the sport for a decade of my life. I absolutely love the sport at it’s purest state. Some of you are going to rail on me here, but soccer is becoming a sport I don’t want to watch anymore because of the sheer ridiculousness of “cheating” or “faking”. It makes me sick about the complaining that goes on in soccer today.
So, how do you make the game fair? Let those who are legally blind play the game!
These dudes are legitimately blind and they dribble the ball around and have a feel for the field, with their heightened sense of sound, with skills that surpass some professional soccer players with sight. Never would I make fun of blind people, so I am going to make fun of soccer players who fake things on the pitch in order to get their way…*cough* the entire Spanish National team *cough*. Especially Fernando Torres in this clip.
I mean, look at that diving form!
Hopefully you get the irony behind this photo
Now, back to “blind soccer”.
It’s really called Paralympic association football and only the impaired can play the game. The rules used in the game are those equal to ‘FIFA’, but the difference is, obviously from the video, you play on a smaller pitch with either 5 or 7 players per team, the seven-player-team consisting of players with cerebral palsy These games are also genuinely called 5-a-side and 7-a-side football.
I’d like to say that the system in which the ‘divisions’ or ‘conferences’ are split up might be more fair than any sport in the world and the playoff system makes sense as well. Here’s to 2015 Bud Selig. Essentially they break up conferences into the magnitude of how impaired each player is. It’s simple, fair, and efficient.
The first organized event for ‘blind soccer’ was apparently held in 1978 and was added as an official Paralympic game in the 1984 summer olympics.
To add some final thoughts about the sport after you now have been so elegantly exposed to its rules and history, I’d just like to say the game would be way more entertaining if the referees were also blind. Maybe Roger Goodell, Lance Easly, and the NFL crews can lend a hand.
ZING!
These Sports Exist 